Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
