white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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