Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
