Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
