I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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