pop tarts are not kleenex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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