She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
