Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
