did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
