She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
