Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
