If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
