through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
