Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
