and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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