Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
