You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize