You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
