My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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