i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
