nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
