Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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