dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
