No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize