I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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