i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
