ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
