I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
