they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
