youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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