hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
