its not stalking. its research.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
