smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the gays at disneyland are vicious
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
