You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
