Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize