I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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