ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
