i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
