i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Randomize
