My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize