I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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