Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
