can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
