I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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