i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
