Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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