There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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