**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize