OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I supernannyed him into submission
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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