The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
