I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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