Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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