If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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