one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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