his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
