just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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