on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
