I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
MIDGETS
????
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
