If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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