It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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