just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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