when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
do nipples grow back?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize