Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
