he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
