I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
