We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
