I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
