Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't tell me you're on acid again
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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