i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
