the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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