I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
