i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
