i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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