He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
