My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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