Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
