Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
