I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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