He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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