Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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