I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
