tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
