We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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