I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
