I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize