how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
