I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
