just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
