make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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