He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
