I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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