i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
