I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
