I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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