I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
