I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize