I'm really into asian looking animals
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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