I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
