between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
