my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
