seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
