O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
