I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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