Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
