Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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